Baker McKenzie Lawyers to Develop Telepathic Powers in World First

(Happy April Fool’s Day. Hope you enjoyed that!)

Global law firm Baker McKenzie has taken its legal innovation work to a whole new level with a pioneering ‘psionics’ project to develop telepathic powers among its lawyers. The move follows a clairvoyance initiative with AI company SparkBeyond where they have sought to predict future client demand.

Artificial Lawyer spoke to the head of the firm’s new Legal Psionics division, Emily E. Ewok, about the plans.

  • First, wow, this is really cutting-edge stuff! Why are you doing this?

Thank you for the opportunity to tell you about our telepathy project. We are very proud of it.

So, why do this? The answer is simple: client secrecy. Like all law firms we take client confidentiality very seriously. But, as the international media highlighted in the wake of the Pandora Papers last year, we have some clients who need that extra level of information security.

During the pandemic many of our lawyers were working from home, as happened with most law firms. Although systems like Zoom and Teams are generally secure, there was however a high degree of nervousness about the risk of client information leaking out in some way.

It was during this time that the firm put together a special taskforce to explore more secure means of communication.

  • And this led to telepathy?

Exactly. The thing with telepathy is that no-one – as far as it is currently known – can intercept the message or information that is being communicated in this way. It also does not necessarily need the ‘receiver’, if we can call them that, to be telepathic, so it’s quite versatile.

Of course, if both parties are telepathic then the quantity of information and the detail that can be communicated during what scientists call the ‘psionic transmission’ can be exponentially higher.

For example, two partners at Baker McKenzie, one in America and the other in Morocco, could share and red-line a complex document for a client using just their minds – and just in a few minutes.

You see, not only is this an unbreakable form of communication, but we have also found this method speeds up the mental processing capabilities of the lawyers. What took an hour now takes a fraction of that time. We still don’t fully understand why this is, but the clients are happy with the results.

  • That’s extraordinary! How do you get them to do this? Are some of your lawyers more gifted than others, or is there a way to teach this?

A very good question. We teamed up with the Hoffman-Pump Institute in Big Sur, California, who have been developing psionic skill training since the early 1960s. The current CEO there, Dr Hans Uberfish, has found with the correct mix of psychoactive stimulants, spiritual chanting and yogic mental training, a person with only marginal psionic talent can become a telepath in around six weeks.

We did tests on some of our lawyers and selected an initial group of about two dozen. Of these, seven have reached a level high enough to conduct complex client communications by telepathy alone. We now plan to roll this out across the firm globally.

  • Interesting. And what do the clients think?

Naturally, we are not telling all of our clients about this as we don’t have enough capability in this area yet. But, a specially selected group of clients has been asked if they’d like our lawyers to provide this additional service. So far about 80% have said yes. And one or two have asked for similar training for their inhouse teams, which is really something we want to provide as an ‘added value’ service for them.

  • One last question: how do you charge for this?

I thought you might ask that. Well, because telepathic contract negotiation is super-fast, taking place at the speed of thought, it happens in a way that is not really conducive to a time-based billing model. For that reason we have developed a new special premium, fixed rate methodology for this type of work, which we are sure the clients will be happy with.

  • Actually one more question.

Please, go ahead.

  • Can you tell me what I am thinking right now….?

6 Comments

  1. About time!
    Makes a lot of sense to me — we’ve been considering it for a while but were worried about the security aspects — evidently the Russians have teams of mental hackers training to exploit this type of initiative.
    Good Luck to Emily and great to read about Dr Uberfish again.

  2. I cannot believe it. I was taken in at first! That is twice that I have almost been caught out today!!

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