Courts To Ban Guilty Verdict As It ‘Upsets’ Criminals

The Ministry of Justice in the UK is to ban the guilty verdict as it may ‘upset’ criminals and cause them ‘emotional distress’. The move is part of a Government project to modernise the justice system.

Here is the Artificial Lawyer interview with Max Feelgood, Director of Judicial Improvement at the MoJ.

AL: Thank you for being available, you must be very busy, given that removing the guilty verdict is the biggest change to the legal system since the Magna Carta.

MoJ: Thank you, and yes, it has been rather hectic. But, we are already seeing some fantastic results.

AL: Such as?

MoJ: A recent survey found that 83.5% of criminals currently incarcerated supported the removal of guilt from the court process. 16.4% said they didn’t understand the question, and one chap in Belmarsh said he rather liked being in prison and didn’t want the system to change. But, of course, there’s always one!

AL: Interesting. So how will it work?

MoJ: It’s very simple. The police go out and do their arresting thing, at least for now. The member of the public ends up in court and so on, there’s a judge, lawyers, as you’d expect, also at least for now.

But, then comes the magic! At the end of the hearing, the judge basically can either conclude that the defendant is either ‘Not Guilty’ or ‘Not Really Guilty’. Everyone leaves happy. No more sulking because you’ve been found guilty. No more upset. It’s just a better way of doing things.

AL: Because….?

MoJ: Because the justice system cannot cause harm. That’s the key point. What’s the point in a legal system if we end up upsetting people by telling them that they are guilty? It’s such a negative approach.

Plus, criminals are the real victims here. That person then has to live with the stigma of being labelled as guilty, and sometimes they have to go to prison, where the food is awful. It’s really not right. So, we can now have a happier, more just system, which will lead to more wholesome and positively holistic outcomes.

AL: But, if everyone who goes to court is not guilty…

MoJ: Or, Not Really Guilty…!

AL: Yes, that as well….then no-one ever goes to prison anymore?

MoJ: Exactly! Well, that’s the plan and it will save the Government a fortune. They’re all falling down anyway. Best not to send anyone there.

AL: So, if you don’t sentence anyone, then there’s no need for courts?

MoJ: Looks like someone in the department has been leaking! That announcement hasn’t been made yet. But, I can say that naturally if everyone is innocent going forwards, then we don’t really need courts.

AL: Which will save money?

MoJ: Loads of money.

AL: And if you have no courts, then there’s no need for the police either, as their role of enforcing the law would be pointless?

MoJ: Wow, someone really has been leaking. That news isn’t to come out until later this year. But, yes, that is the logical conclusion.

AL: Got it, so anarchy, basically?

MoJ: We don’t like to look at this way. We prefer to think of it as a kinder, more empathetic approach to social justice.

AL: One last thing. Without courts, then penalties cannot be enforced, commercial, criminal or otherwise. So, no legal agreement can really be made to hold, as there is no actual deterrent at the end of the day to breaking it?

And if you cannot make any enforceable agreement, then there is no need for agreements? Thus there is no need for lawyers either, as what’s the point in getting them to create a contract, for example?

MoJ: Yes, spot on! You’ve got it. You really have been talking to some senior people here, haven’t you.

AL: But, that’s the end of civilisation as we know it.

MoJ: True, but think of the cost savings! Think of the happiness we’ll create in society. Don’t forget about that. Plus, all that taxpayer money can be used for far more important things. We have so many new initiatives we’d like to work on….

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So, there you go. The plans are to be rolled out across England & Wales by the summer, with the rest of the UK to follow by the end of the year. It may be anarchy in the UK, but at least the Government believes we’ll all be happier. And yet this site can’t quite believe it’s going to end well….

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More here.